


collateral

by MathildaHilda



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:54:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25074208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MathildaHilda/pseuds/MathildaHilda
Summary: If words could halt death.
Relationships: Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	collateral

**Author's Note:**

> MAJOR spoilers for The Last of Us Part II, even though I'm two weeks late.
> 
> This is isn't my happiest piece, so do read with care

It goes like this;

You trust her, for a split second.

You trust her to be kind. To be safe.

You trust her to be kind for one more second.

( _make it fast, goddammit,_

_don’t let her see this_ ,)

You want the seconds to count, even if you don’t know who she is. What she wants.

She knows your name, you know half of hers, and that is enough for her to hate you.

You are unforgiven.

_Unforgivable_. You did something to her, and you don’t know what.

You just know this; if it’s gotta happen, make it happen fast. If it’s gotta happen, make it count.

~

If words could halt death.

_If_ _only_.

It’s not fast. You’ve done enough shit in your life to perhaps deserve a slow end, but it could’ve gone faster than this.

They could be gone by now, and Ellie wouldn’t chase after them, because if she survives this ( _she will, she has to, please dear lord let her survive this_ ,) she’ll hunt them to the ends of the earth and make it just as slow, and that will be unforgivable.

She will be unforgivable because of what _you’ve_ done.

She deserves better than dying because of your actions. You’ll pay your debt in blood, _and_ _dear lord,_ let it be the end of that. Let it be the end of _everything_.

If words could halt death and elicit forgiveness, then Ellie’s broken voice would surely save you.

( _it won’t save you,_

_there’s no use in lying_ ,)

The point of this isn’t your inevitable death. It’s not the unforgiving pain. It’s not the golf club. It’s not Abby.

The point of this is all you.

You don’t know why she hates you. You don’t know why she’s killing you. Why Ellie’s trapped and Tommy’s unresponsive or why dying feels the way it does.

You know this; you deserve it. You’ve done too much shit in your life to warrant a response like this. You don’t know which one of your actions led to this.

But, you also know this; Ellie wants you to live.

You’re pleading to some higher power to forgive her for what she will do. Forgive her for what it will make her into. Because she’ll beat this too; your death, her revenge, all of it.

She’ll beat all of it, and if you could, in this minuscule moment, you would be terrified for her.

But, you’re not. Not right now. Because she calls out to you, wants you to live, and you want her forgiveness, if nothing else, but right now?

If words could halt death, you would die later. Not now. Not in ten seconds. _Later_.

You’d die later, regardless.

And, Ellie? She’d forgive you. Regardless. But only later. It doesn’t much matter how or when or under what circumstances, but she will forgive you.

You’ll die ( _tick-tock_ ), and she’ll forgive you. Not now. Not later.

In a moment.

(‘ _give it a rest, kiddo, it’ll be fine,’_

_‘it’s not fine! you could’ve died!_ )

It’ll be fine in a moment.

Death comes in one moment, and forgiveness in another, and none of that matters right now because you do want to live. For her. For her to forgive you.

( _give it a moment,_

_you’ll soon be gone_ ,)

The blood is warm on your cheek, slowly trailing through your hair, and you can hear your heart in your ear, but you can’t feel your leg. You can’t see Tommy.

It’s all Ellie. Ellie and her fear, staring you straight in the face and _daring_ you to leave.

( _‘spiders,’ you’d said to her on your way to Salt Lake City,_

_‘bullshit,’ she had laughed, and you had smiled and claimed it to be true,_

_‘second after bloaters, anyhow, how about you?’ you ask her because she’s been laughing too hard over that one thing of yours that still remain from Before,_

_she goes quiet,_

_‘being alone,’ she says, and looks you full in the eye,_

_she looks at you, as if though it were to come true right then and there,_

_you pause, and meet her eyes,_

_‘i ain’t going anywhere, kiddo_ ,)

Love is warm, and hate is cold, but you hate no one in your last five seconds. You love Ellie too much to admit to hating a woman seeking revenge for something you’d done.

Truth be told, whatever you’d done to her, you’d have probably gone for revenge too.

Ellie wants you to live, but Abby’s knocked out most of your teeth, and you’ve bitten your tongue, and there are, truth be told, very few words left to say. You’d just choke on them.

Most of the things have already been said.

Say them now, and they’ll kill her too.

They’ll never lose meaning because you’d do everything all over, just the same, when it comes down to her.

Quite a remarkable thing, love.

( _quite a thing; falling on your own sword like that,_

_dying for something that matters more to you than an entire world_ ,)

Time to live, kiddo.

( _it’s_ _time to go, kiddo_ ,)

**Author's Note:**

> I've owned the game since release, but I have yet to finish it and I'm playing it in intervals because I've still not accepted Joel's death tbh with you
> 
> If there's one thing Naughty Dog's good at though, it is getting me all choked up about my favorite video game dad


End file.
